Lost tribe of Westwood

> TO ALL OF US WHO FORWARD SILLY EMAILS.> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the>glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope>that needs sealing.> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same >reason.>>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl ( Penny Brown>) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.>>I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the>$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating>in their special e-mail program.>>I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out>for me, and St. Theresa 's novena has granted my every wish.>>I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant>freaks with no eyes or feathers.>>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water>buffalo on a hot day.>>Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I >forward>an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.>>Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove>toilet stains.>>I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so>a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.>>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these>products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.>>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.>>And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave>anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.>>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked>with a needle infected with AIDS.>>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a >perfume>sample and rob me.>>I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al>Qaeda in disguise.>>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our>American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone>because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone>bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .>>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my >free>replacement pair from Nike .>>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their>recipe.>>Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown>African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it>bites my butt.>>Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can>live a better life now because he's told us how to fix>everything.>>And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the>parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting>underneath my car to grab my leg.>>Oh, and don't forget this one either!>>I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas>companies!>>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70>minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this>afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you >to>grow a hairy hump.>I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next>door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...>Have a wonderful day....>> ----------->New Study A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy>study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual>activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.>>Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.