> TO ALL OF US WHO FORWARD SILLY EMAILS.> I must send my thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poop in the>glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel with every envelope>that needs sealing.> Also, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same >reason.>>I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl ( Penny Brown>) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.>>I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the>$15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating>in their special e-mail program.>>I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out>for me, and St. Theresa 's novena has granted my every wish.>>I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant>freaks with no eyes or feathers.>>I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water>buffalo on a hot day.>>Thanks to you, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I >forward>an email to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.>>Because of your concern I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove>toilet stains.>>I no longer can buy gasoline without taking a man along to watch the car so>a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm pumping gas.>>I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these>products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.>>I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.>>And thanks for letting me know I can't boil a cup water in the microwave>anymore because it will blow up in my face...disfiguring me for life.>>I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked>with a needle infected with AIDS.>>I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a >perfume>sample and rob me.>>I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al>Qaeda in disguise.>>I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our>American troops or the Salvation Army. I no longer answer the phone>because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone>bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan .>>I no longer have any sneakers -- but that will change once I receive my >free>replacement pair from Nike .>>I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their>recipe.>>Thanks to you, I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown>African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it>bites my butt.>>Thank you too for all the endless advice Andy Rooney has given us. I can>live a better life now because he's told us how to fix>everything.>>And thanks to your great advice, I can't ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the>parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting>underneath my car to grab my leg.>>Oh, and don't forget this one either!>>I can no longer drive my car because I can't buy gas from certain gas>companies!>>If you don't send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70>minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 PM this>afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you >to>grow a hairy hump.>I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next>door neighbor's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's beautician...>Have a wonderful day....>> ----------->New Study A South American scientist from Argentina , after a lengthy>study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain and sexual>activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.>>Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

THINK ABOUT THIS FOR A MOMENT The Mining Journal News, Marquette , Michigan This text is from a county emergency manager out in the western part of Michigan state after a snow storm last winter. WEATHER BULLETIN Up here in the Northern Plains we just recovered from a Historic event--- may I even say a "Weather Event" of "Biblical Proportions" --- with a historic blizzard of up to 44" inches of snow and winds to 90 MPH that broke trees in half, knocked down utility poles, stranded hundreds of motorists in lethal snow banks, closed ALL roads, isolated scores of communities and cut power to 10's of thousands. FYI: George Bush did not come. FEMA did nothing. No one howled for the government. No one blamed the government. No one even uttered an expletive on TV. Jesse Jackson or Al Sharpton did not visit. Our Mayor's did not blame Bush or anyone else. Our Governor did not blame Bush or anyone else either CNN, ABC, CBS, FOX, or NBC did not visit - or report on this category 5 snow storm nobody demanded $2,000 debit cards. No one asked for a FEMA Trailer House. No one looted. Nobody - I mean Nobody demanded the government do something. Nobody expected the government to do anything either. No Larry King, No Bill O'Rielly, No Oprah, No Chris Mathews and No Geraldo Rivera. No Shaun Penn, No Barbara Striesand, No Hollywood types to be found. Nope, we just melted the snow for water. Sent out caravans of SUV's to pluck people out of snow engulfed cars. The truck drivers pulled people out of snow banks and didn't ask for a penny. Local restaurants made food, and the police and fire departments delivered it to the snow bound families.. Families took in the stranded people - total strangers. We Fired up wood stoves, broke out coal oil lanterns or Coleman lanterns. We put on an extra layers of clothes because up here it is "Work or Die". We did not wait for some affirmative action government to get us out of a mess created by being immobilized by a welfare program that trades votes for 'sittin at home' checks. Even though a Category "5" blizzard of this scale has never fallen this early, we know it can happen and how to deal with it ourselves. "In my many travels, I have noticed that once one gets north of about 48 degrees North Latitude, 90% of the world's social problems evaporate." It does seem that way, at least to me. I hope this gets passed on.. Maybe . SOME people will get the message .. The world does Not owe you a living

----- The Month Before Christmas


Twas the month before Christmas When all through our land, Not a Christian was praying Nor taking a stand. See the PC Police had taken away, The reason for Christmas - no one could say. The children were told by their schools not to sing, About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things. It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say December 25th is just a "Holiday". Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it! CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod Something was changing, something quite odd! Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda. As Targets were hanging their trees upside down At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found. At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears. Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty Are words that were used to intimidate me. Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton! At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter. And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded The reason for the season, stopped before it started. So as you celebrate "Winter Break" under your "Dream Tree" Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.
Choose your words carefully, choose what you say
Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS, not Happy Holiday!

> >Death is certain but the Bible speaks about untimely death! > > Make a personal reflection about this. Very interesting, read until > >the end... It is written in the Bible (Galatians 6:7): "Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. Here are some men and women who mocked God: > > > > JOHN LENNON: > > Some years before, during his interview with an American Magazine, > >he said: "Christianity will end, it will disappear. I do not have to argue > >about that. I am certain. Jesus was OK, but his subjects were too simple, > >Today we are more famous than Him" (1966). Lennon, after saying that the > >Beatles were more famous than Jesus Christ, was shot six times. > > > > TANCREDO NEVES (President of Brazil): > > During the Presidential campaign, he said if he got 500,000 votes > >from his party, not even God would remove him from Presidency. Sure he got > >the votes, but he got sick a day before being made President, then he died > > > > CAZUZA (Bi-sexual Brazilian composer, singer and poet): > > During a show in Canecïo ( Rio de Janeiro ), whilst smoking his > >cigarette, he puffed out some smoke into the air and said: "God, that's for > >you." He died at > >the age of 32 of AIDS in a horrible manner. > > > > THE MAN WHO BUILT TITANIC: > > After the construction of Titanic, a reporter asked him how safe the > >Titanic would be. With an ironic tone he said: "Not even God can sink it" > >The result: I think you all know what happened to the Titanic. > > > > MARILYN MONROE: > > She was visited by Billy Graham during a presentation of a show. He > >said the Spirit of God had sent him to preach to her. After hearing what > >the Preacher had to say, she said: "I don't need your Jesus". A week later, > >she was found dead in her apartment. > > > > BON SCOTT: > > The ex-vocalist of the AC/DC. On one of his 1979 songs he sang: > >"Don't stop me, I'm going down all the way, down the highway to hell". On > >the 19th of February 1980, Bon Scott was found dead, he had been choked by > >his own vomit. > > > > > >CAMPINAS/SP IN 2005 > > In Campinas, Brazil a group of friends, drunk, went to pick up a > >friend. The mother accompanied her to the car and was so worried about the > >drunkenness of her friends and she said to the daughter - holding her hand, > >who was already seated in the car: "MY DAUGHTER, GO WITH GOD AND MAY > >HE PROTECT YOU." She responded: "ONLY IF HE (GOD) TRAVELS IN THE TRUNK, > >CAUSE INSIDE HERE IT'S ALREADY FULL" Hours later, news came by that they > >had been involved in a fatal accident, everyone had died, the car could not > >be recognized what type of car it had been, but surprisingly, the trunk was > >intact. The police said there was no way the trunk could have remained > >intact. To their surprise, inside the trunk was a crate of eggs, none were > >broken. > > > > Christine Hewitt: a Jamaican Journalist and entertainer,said the > >Bible (Word of God) was the worst book ever written, in June 2006 she was > >found burnt beyond recognition in her motor vehicle > > > > > > Many more important people have forgotten that there is no other > >name that was given so much authority as the name of Jesus. Many have > >died, but only Jesus died and rose again, and he is still alive. > > > > JESUS!!! > > > > P.S: If it was a joke, you would have sent it to everyone. So are > >you going to have courage to send this?. I have done my part, Jesus said > >"If you are embarrassed about me, I will also be embarrassed about you > >before my father." > > > > What benefit does it have, if a man gains the whole world but loses > >his soul? What can man give in exchange of his soul? (Mathew 16:26).

Car Insurance. In Michigan you must have it. That is the good idea. Do you remember the good ole days when it was your driving record and type of car you have that dictated your premiums. For the middle to upperclass, car insurance is not problem. What make it difficult for the rest of us is credit based insurance. If you've had a perfect driving record for your whole driving life, but your credit score come up short, you will pay the max. In other words the less you make, the more you pay. Poor people paying for the rich. Another reason why the rich get richer. Insurance companies use the bogas reasoning that the credit score will forcast how you are driving. This is another reason why we should have Govt. control insurance. We are the Govt.

I have never had an accident, but due to major medical problems during the last four years, my credit has been hit bad. I now pay major premiums because of my credit score. ( I have no violations). My driving is still good if not better, but I am a higher risk.

Lets hear your response.

Whats up Doc. Have you ever gone to the doctor and be just as confused after you left. There is a reason they call medicine a practice. They still are practicing. The newpapers says that the medical care in Muskegon is top notch. Mercy Hospital is supposedly the reason for this. Hackley Hospital is having a tough time making ends meet. Let take a look at this.

1) To get medical care you have to have insurance. This requires you to have a job that supplies health coverage. If you don't have a job, or your job doesnt offer insurance, you have to pay out of pocket. If you can't afford to pay out of pocket, you can apply for medicaid. Dick DeVos made a brilliant observation during his ill fated run for Gov. of Michigan. "There is not problem with health insurance , if you have a job." "If you don't have a job, don't look for the govt. to support you." This is also the theme of the republican party. If there are no jobs, then there is no health insurance. Even when companies furnish health insurance, the out of pocket expense is getting higher and higher. This is health insurance out of control. Prescription have gotten so out of control that companies like Walmart etc. are offer priscription deals to get you into their stores. The Social Security drug programs are a joke, and are only a benifit to the insurance companies. Having a national health care program, like Canada, is the only way. Don't let self serving idiots try to tell you that having the govt. run the medical programs is wrong. Remember , the Govt. is you. You vote for the govt and it's programs, not big business.

Let have your input. Tomorrow I will talk about the joke called "car insurance".

A Different Christmas Poem



The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light,
I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight.
My wife was asleep, her head on my chest,
My daughter beside me, angelic in rest.
Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white,
Transforming the yard to a winter delight.
The sparkling lights in the tree I believe,
Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve.


My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep,

Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep.
In perfect contentment, or so it would seem,
So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream.
The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near,
But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear.
Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know,

Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow.


My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear,
And I crept to the door just to see who was near.
Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night,
A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight.
A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old,
Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold.
Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled,
Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child.


"What are you doing?" I asked without fear,
"Come in this moment, it's freezing out here!
Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve,
You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!"
For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift,
Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts...
To the window that danced with a warm fire's light
Then he sighed and he said "Its really all right,

I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night."



"It's my duty to stand at the front of the line,
That separates you from the darkest of times.
No one had to ask or beg or implore me,
I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me.
My Gramps died at 'Pearl on a day in December,"
Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers."
My dad stood his watch in the jungles of 'Nam',
And now it is my turn and so, here I am.
I've not seen my own son in more than a while,
But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile.

Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag,
The red, white, and blue... an American flag.
I can live through the cold and the being alone,
Away from my family, my house and my home.
I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet,
I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat.
I can carry the weight of killing another,
Or lay down my life with my sister and brother...


Who stand at the front against any and all,
To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall."
"So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright,
Your family is waiting and I'll be all right."
"But isn't there something I can do, at the least,
"Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast?
It seems all too little for all that you've done,
For being away from your wife and your son."


Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret,
"Just tell us you love us, and never forget.
To fight for our rights back at home while we're gone,
To stand your own watch, no matter how long.
For when we come home, either standing or dead,
To know you remember we fought and we bled.
Is payment enough, and with that we will trust,
That we mattered to you as you mattered to us."

PLEASE, Would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many p
eople as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due
to our U.S.service men and women for our being able to celebrate these
festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we
owe. Make people
stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves
for
us.

S

So much to do I just can't think of where to start. It is 27 days until christmas and I havn't even started my christmas shopping. I just realized I need money for christmas shopping. I just sat down and tried to figure out how I can save money for christmas shopping. Here is my list

1- Don't pay the rent. This would create a problem since I would have no place to store my christmas gift as I would have no place.

2- Pay the rent and don't pay the car payment. I wouldn't be able to go anywhere without a car which would include christmas shopping.

3- Don't pay the gas and electric. It gets dark pretty early and I wouldn't be able to see the gifts that I bought. I would end up wearing all the christmas gifts to keep warm

4- Instead of buying gifts, draw pictures for everyone. That worked real well when I was young.

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.
2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.
3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.
4. Children seldom misquote you.
In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own .
6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.

ADVICE FOR THE DAY:
Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.
AND FINALLY:
IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE: "TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!

Rosie ODonnel is such an idiot. She claims that Kelli Ripa was homophobic because Kelli did not like her co-host putting his hand in her face. Her co-host has not come out of the closet and Rosie is calling him gay. Rosie, If you only had a brain.

The actor who costared on Sienfeld use racial slurs during his comedy routine. He lambassted a colored man because he was being heckled. Although the tyrade was in poor taste, the audience laughed for a while until they realized it was not part of the act. The Colored man used white racial words back towards the stage. There is more than enough blame to go around. The only one who came out ahead was the people who made an illegal video tape.

Why is it that our hollywood best are trying to be politcal experts.

THE BOX OF CHOCOLATES


For all of us who are married, were married,

wish you were married, or wish you weren't

married, this is something to smile about the

next time you open a box of chocolates:



Sally was driving home from one of her business

trips in Northern Arizona When she saw an elderly

Navajo woman walking on the side of the road.

As the trip was a long and quiet one, she stopped

the car and asked the Navajo woman if she would

like a ride.

With a silent nod of thanks, the woman got into

the car. Resuming the journey, Sally tried in vain

to make a bit of small talk with the Navajo woman.

The old woman just sat silently, looking intently at

everything she saw, studying every little detail,

until she noticed a white bag on the seat next to

Sally.



"What in bag?" asked the old woman. Sally

looked down at the white bag and said, "It's

a box of chocolates. I got it for my husband".

The Navajo woman was silent for another

moment or two. Then speaking with the quiet

wisdom of an elder, she said:



"Good trade."

Now that I am out of bed, I will share a few things. My son is coming home today. He tried his hand at door to door sales with a company out of Baltimore. They moved from location to location starting in Baltimore and ending in Daytona Beach Florida. This was not his forte. I truthfully can't say whos forte it is, but in short, he is coming home today. This week he needs to find work.

I am now carrying an event monitor. Since I have had two stroke, the doctors have put this thing on me. When I have another episode, I put this on my chest and it reads my vitals. I then tranfer the information by phone, and then someone tells me if I can kiss my sweet ass goodbye. I have to wear this for a month.

>> Who says nice guys finish last...
>>
>> Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after the night at a business
>> function.
>>
>>
>> He forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a
>> couple
>> of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table.
>>
>> And, next to them, a single red rose!
>>
>> Jack looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order,
>> spotlessly
>> clean. So is the rest of the house.
>>
>> He takes the aspirins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring
>> back
>> at him in the bathroom mirror and notices a note on the table:
>>
>> "Honey, breakfast is on the stove, I left early to go shopping
>> - Love you!!"
>>
>> He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is hot breakfast and
>> the
>> morning newspaper.
>>
>> His son is also at the table, eating. Jack asks, "Son...what happened
>> last
>> night?"
>>
>> "Well, you came home after 3 am, drunk and out of your mind.
>>
>> You broke the coffee table, puked in the hallway and got that black eye
>> when you ran into the door."
>>
>> "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean, I have a rose
>> and
>> breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"
>>
>> His son replies, "Oh, THAT!...Mom dragged you to the bedroom and when
>> she
>> tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, BITCH, I'm
>> married!!!".
>>
>> Broken table - $200
>>
>> Hot breakfast - $5
>>
>> Red Rose bud - $3
>>
>> Two aspirins - $0.25
>>
>> Saying the right thing, at the right time... Priceless

> When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me

> that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to

> take care of first, the truck, the car, fishing, always something more

> important to me.

> Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.

> When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,

> busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

> I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house.

> I was gone only a few minutes. When I came out again I handed her a

> toothbrush. "When you finish cutting the grass," I said, "you might as

> well sweep the side walk."

> The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.

> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and

> the other is a husband.

There is nothing wrong with me? Stop being a baby. Its all in your head. I got the report from my neurologist. It confirms that I have had two strokes. The strokes are not caused by anything in my head. He confirmed that it is caused by a cardiac event. I am now being sent back to the cardiologist with his finding. My heart has failed at times to supply enough preasure. Consiquently lack of blood flow to the brain has caused these stroke events. Now it is back to the cardiologist to figure out why this is happening. I sometimes wonder if I am confused by the strokes, or the doctors.

Prayer

Be carefull of what you pray for. In politics, the dems have gained a big step up. What they do with it is what I pray for. Republican rule has been catastrophic. Not only have the Reps done little positive, the dems have made sure that they undermind the majority party at all crossroads. Now the dems have the majority and we get to see how the Rep. work from the weaker side. We prayed for change, and we got it.

I hope we are not like the cat above, and get eaten by a shark. He is praying for fish.

Republicans are wondering what happened. Let see. War, scandal, greed, with the rich getting richer, and the poor getting poorer. Big business rules while the working class suffer.

The Democrats came more toward the center while the Republicans went farther right. Here in Michigan, the abuse of power by the Republicans led to their demise in the state house. While Michiganians overturned affirmative action, they cut money toward education. Now that people who are not gualified for a job, cannot go back to school because the money is not there, and cant hunt doves.

My observation is that there was a lot of coin flipping. Head we win, tails we lose. Only time will tell which side the coin landed on.

Here is a strange tale. Sometime in 1931, Nikola Tesla the famed scientist and inventor, brought his nephew and 12 tubes to Buffalo, NY. Tesla inserted the tubes into the dashboard of a modified Pierce Arrow. The nephew then drove the car around the city, at speeds of up to 90 MPH. After the experiment, Tesla removed the tubes, parked the car in a barn outside of Buffalo and left. What became of the car is not known. Was this truly an electric car? Or was it something else entirely? Tesla claimed that the car was powered "from the aether", meaning out of forces surrounding us. He claimed that this force could be harnessed for cars, boats, and households.

A friend of mine continues to impress me and everyone else with his fantasy nurse. Everytime I try to invision my fantasy nurse, this is what pops up.




I keep trying but failing. Finally I came up with this. Maybe she could be a nurse

Thank God this is election week. Ive had more people wanting my attention. The republicans, democrats, and other celler dwellers. They really want my vote, and once they receive it, they will forget who voted for them. They have spent soo many months telling lies about their opponent, they won't know the difference between a lie and the truth. Once they are elected, they will chase skirts, commit adultery, and try to fashion their life after Bill Clinton. After they have begged for our vote, they will tell us to mind our own business. Their promises are like a fart in the wind. Can't we just turn down the slate, and ask for new candidates. Lets give every voting person a number, and have a giant lottery. If the person doesn't want the job, pick another number.

Someone's Oberservations

Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

EVER WONDER Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin?

Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"

? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?

Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?!

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

Birthdays

This week I have another one of those days. It only happens once a year and maybe most people will remember what birthdays are for. NOTHING. You get to be reminded that you are getting older. My grey hair, flabby mid section, fleeting memory, and other physical things remind me daily.
People get to sing to you. Most people who sing to you shouldn't sing at all.
I'm on the other side of the hill and it is all downhill from here. I don't have brakes.
With age come wisdom. BS Just ask my kids. I'm as dumb as dirt and just as old.

My birthday reminds me that my wifes birthday is in 10 days. She gets prettier every year and I am so lucky. Thats why I like to celebrate her birthday.

My birthday also reminds me that halloween is over, and my mask is still attached and real.

Before you start feeling sorry for me, don't. God has given me a great life. I come from a great family, I have a great wife and kids whom I love dearly. Who needs lots of money..................................... A little money might be nice.


Before anyone asks how old I am, you must answer these questions.
1- Do you like your front teeth.
2- I know where you live.
3- My name is not in the obituaries, will yours be?
4- I just might have pictures of you that you don't want published.


WHY IS THERE BIRTHDAY CAKE?. Everyone might have a piece, and the rest gets old and thrown away. Kind of reminds me of getting older.

Well, Im back to designing my retirement home. What is the best way to waterproof a refrigerator box?

Marriage and Death.

This week I will be officiating a funeral, and reafirming vows of a couple who have been married 25 years. This is a first for me on both .
One of the reasons I became an ordained pastor was to help those who have been alienated from their churches. This is the case in both the funeral and the reaffirmation. This is how I know that God is leading me.

Sunday's Muskegon Chronicle had an article about a family that donated film and diaries from the start of Nazi occupation of Austria. This occupation was not military and was at first welcomed by Austrians. The persacution of the Jews started with half truths and deceptive political messages. Todays politicians use the same methods. It give me a chill when I see republican and democrats using history as their advertising platforms. They seem to think that if it worked for the nazis it will work for them. Our political parties today are as bad as the early nazi party. They lie to the people, and the people believe them because they want something better. Don't give away your rights to a political party. If a person running for office, hasnt done the job, replace them. Don't listen to excuses. DON'T VOTE ALONG PARTY LINE. Granholm hasn't done the job, replace her. Legislature hasn't done the job, replace them. It is that simple.

I was just listening to the Edwin Hawkins Singers singing "o Happy Day." A simple song with a simple message. The message is, "O happy day when Jesus washed my sins away." This song made the top ten pop songs many years ago. Today the message would be lost as well as the song. It would be deemed offensive and politically incorrect.
I saw a show on TV that was called the Black Actors Awards. Now if they had a White Actors award it would be called racist and politically incorrect.

Dr. King said to judge a person not by the color of his skin. University of Michigan apposes this by favoring blacks over whites. Even though they are against the words of Dr. Martin Luther King, they consider themselves racially sensitive and politically correct. They call it affirmative action. This was a tool used to level the field for all people.

This past week has seen three sports announcers removed from their jobs for make racially insensative remarks. Freedom of speach is for everyone, as long as it does not violate laws .

Maybe we should see how we can get along with our brothers, instead of finding a wasy to piss him off. Lets not pick out our shortcomings, but rejoice in this melting pot we call freedom.

Governor Granholm and Dick DeVos had the last of their debates. By their picture above, I think that everything went as planned

A friend of mine had a terrible accident at the sappi paper mill. His arm got caught in a conveyor belt. After being trapped for 5 plus hours, he was found. He was flown to Grand Rapids, and had to have his arm amputated at the shoulder. Just thought you might want to give a prayer for him and his recovery.

This is a manager. He is a chain smoker. He tells pitcher that he will tell them when they will pitch, hitters when they will hit, and doesnt care who they are, or who they think they are. He runs the team, and gives credit where credit is due. The minute the Tigers beat the A's, he walked over to their dugout to congragulate them for their success this year.

Did I get your attention? Sometimes I wonder if anybody reads my dribble. Sometime I feel that the world needs a shot and sometimes the world thinks I should be shot.
My son, is in Baltimore training for a job selling cleaners. He found out today that it is door to door primarily, but he doesnt mind it. He gets to travel on someone elses dime, and hopefully pay off his bills, go back to get his degree, and enter the seminary.

This week has been a challenge for me medically, nothing severe, just emotional which challenges my heart and forces me to take it easy. In my head, I would love to go out and run a marathon. My heart health tells me that if I do, I'm a dead duck.

The good things this week are that my son is making an attempt to progress in life, and is not just playing it safe. My wife is back in school and working full time.
It snowed, but didnt stay on the ground. The wind didnt blow me away.

When you think you have it bad, just picture this nurse coming at you and be thankful.

Did you ever feel that everyone was pissing on you. In the news it was shown that major prescription drug compnaies are giving millions of dollars to companies who make cheaper substitute prescriptions, to keep their product off the market. This forces people to buy more expensive drugs.

Banks can float your money for up to five days, but you can't float a check for 24 hours.

Gas companies can raise their prices for what ever reason, when ever.

Insurance companies can charge a perfect driver more if his credit is less then perfect.

You can't pray in school, but you can on national tv.

Democrats are suppose to be for the poor, but the major democrats are multi- millionaires. ( big business)

Republicans are suppose to be the moral standard keepers, but look where the pedifile is hiding. (big business)

You loose your opinion when you vote along party lines. The party in charge will piss on you.

#1- Stupid people are allowed to vote.

We have cats. Most of the time they are calm, once in a while one of them steals my prozac. I'm still trying to figure out which one. I suspect it is Pauwz.

What is hammertime. It the time for politicians to start telling the whole truth. It the time when all bills come due. It is the time to grow up and join the human race. Its time to practice what you preach. It the time for the Tigers to win the world championship. If you owe me money and avoid me, its hammer time. If you insult my wife and family, it's hammer time. If you hurt my friends, it's hammer time.

My son is off again. In his search for employment he has landed a job with Protek Chemical. He will leave tomarrow by bus to Baltimore. They will pay for his lodging and food while he is trained. They are paying everything up front with a base salary during his training. After he is trained he will work on commision. I guess when you are young, single, and no ties, the world is your playground

This friday is "FRIDAY THE 13TH."
This congers up images of black cats, walking under ladders, horseshoes, throwing salt over your shoulder, luck rabbits foot (unlucky for the rabbit), and lucky charms. How about peoples fear of black magic.
I continue to read articles where people are trying to ban Harry Potter books because they has a black overtone. They deal in occault and should be banned.
As a pastor and a christian, I enjoy these books and movies. They are entertainment. If I feel offended I close the book, turn off the TV, or walk out of the movie studio.
The picture of the black cat, is my son's cat,Samantha. I don't think she is bad luck. What are your superstitions?

How does it feel. Everyday our political leaders are kicking us off the building. Most people agree that the middle class is getting kicked out. The rich and the poor are supported by the middle class.

Tomorrow night, there will be a debate between Granholm and DeVos. On the other channel will be the baseball playoff. (Go tigers)

Donald Trump is selling another book on how to get rich. If people keep buying his books he doesn't have to worry about keeping his secret. He stays rich because people keep buying his books.

The national GOP is in trouble over Folleys sexual problems. It has to be the Democrat fault. They kept it secret until just before the elections.

North Korea tested a atomic bomb underground. The US is pissed off because someone else has the bomb. Russia is upset because there could be one more country competing for nucular sales. China is upset because they are next door. Japan is upset because they did not build it. Iran is upset because there is another idiot with the bomb.

The Dems blame the Republican, the Rep. blame the Dems, the govt blames the world, and we get kicked off the building by our leaders and their political parties.

Hackley Hospital is losing money. They just gave everyone a raise, and laid off a bunch more. Mercy Hospital is importing nurses in an effort to save money. Major companies are leaving Michigan in droves and we want to re-elect the current administration. Vote them all out and start over. Kick them off the building.

I found out today from a friend that John W. Peterson has passed on. He wrote some great christian music that many christians have enjoyed. Last night, before the worship service we sang a few of his songs. (we had not heard of his passing) God does work in mysterious ways.

It was sad new this week about another school shooting. This has been and will continue to be a problem. I pulled my daughter out of Mona Shore High School because of death threats, kids carrying knifes and box cutters, and un authorized people roaming the halls. Drugs are readily available and the administration does nothing. They are a problem waiting to happen and I pray that they will get smart soon. These are not days of old. Time have changed and so must we.

This may sound like a real sexist remark, but so be it. Most of our problems started when both parents had to go to work. This started with the women movement. I have no problem with women working, but when this started, there was no consideration for the children. Now you have two equally important jobs, and no one to watch over the kids. Now that the baby boom is over, there will be a shortage of jobs, because of less demand. Household incomes will drop, and the middle and lower class will lose out.

Your elected officials then raise the minimum wage. This is great, except that everything else will go up. If an employer has to pay his employees more, he will raise his prices, not cut into his profit. Many companies just hire part time help. They don't have to pay benifits.

You women may have come a long way, but it all about greed to the males.

Politicians just want to be the fat cats.

Tiger pride is back in Michigan. The Tigers are even with the hated New York Yankees in the best of five series playoff. The Tigers are a team of mostly young players who are playing the game together. This is team work. They just might want to take a clue from last years Pistons playoff. They stopped playing as a team, and got their butts handed to them in the playoffs. Tigers. get your work done first and all the rest will fall into place. The team got you here . Go Tigers

This is my father and me. He is in a rest home in Grand Rapids. He has had Althimerz since 2001. For the last three years he has been about the same. He doesn't really know anyone, can't walk, can't hold a conversation, and can't remember what he just said, and can't hold his bladder. He has to be changed, and has to have help feeding himself. When he is awake, he sits in his chair and watches everyone.
The reason I bring him up, is that when I feel down, I look at him and thank God that I am better off.. In that same breath, I wish I could take that away from him because he does not deserve it. After all he goes through, he always has a smile for everyone.
With my disablilities from high blood preasure, heart desease, and depression, maybe I need to smile alittle more. Maybe that is what my Dad is still teaching me.

I can't find my dog. We were playing fetch with the frizbee and he disappeared.
This is the democratic version. The truth is I lost my dog years ago. Yes, we did play fizbee, and the picture I found on line. The Domocrats and Granholm are doing the same thing with their advertising. They are not lieing, but they are not telling the truth.

Muskegon Air Fair has been cancelled due to greed. The greed started many years ago, but I finally caught up. Muskegon had a great air fair which was now attracting top acts like the Blue Angels. The first step was banning carry ons, like water and food. they forced the people to buy from their overpriced concessions. Then they decided to run it against Summer Celebration. Then they hand everything over to the people who run Summer Celebration. I believe they might have a good idea when they ran the two events together, air show during the day and celebration at night.
This was no longer was a family event due to the expense of the tickets and the price of food. Once again greed and Muskegon politics ruin something good.

A friend of mine was wondering what would happen to his cats once he has passed on. As a cat lover myself, I know my cats won't outlive me. No one else would change their litter or feed them. They would pack up and leave. How do I know this? I found this picture hidden in their cat bed. They are planning on leaving in style.

Have you ever wondered why his opinions counts? Tom Cruize is a good, maybe great actor. He is on top of his trade. His trade is acting, PERIOD.
Why then should he be considered an expert on anything else. He has failed in marriage, he made an ass of himself while being interviewed about his relegion.

Mel Gibson was castrisized about his rantings about the Jews. He is only an actor. No one made him pope or spokesman for all christians.

Barby Striesand is an actress and singer. What makes her a political expert.

Lets get real people. These people are here to entertain us, and that is all.

Sign, signs, everywhere a sign. When I saw this picture I had to chuckle. In todays political world, this sign makes sense. Politicians use slight of hand, half truths, and slants to hide the truth. They make you look one way, while going the other. Why would anyone vote for a person or party that can't stand on their record and tell the truth.

In Michigan, both parties have misrepresented the facts so badly tha only the truth is evident. The Govorner and the Legislature have failed and should be replaced.

Advice is like butts. Everyone has one and most of the time they stink.
I've always wondered why some people ask for your advice even when all they want is to express their own opinions. Most of the time people ask for advice as a way to start up a conversation. Be carefull when asking for advice, you might get something you don't like. If you have teenage kids, your advice will stink.

Detroit Lions still winless. This could be the year that the Lions go winless, but I don't think so. This week the offense looked good, but the defense stunk. Over all, the Lions just wilted under the glow of Brett Farve. I think of them as I do my golf game. Some day when I can put all parts of my game together, I might have a chance of winning. I am still a fan.

Detroit Tigers have clinched a playoff spot. No matter what they do, they have passed all expectations. I'm not getting too excited, because I still have the bad taste of Pistons and RedWings in my mouth.

Michigan State football has become idiotic, for loss of a better word. It is so bad I was almost tempted to watch Michigan. I realized that nothing is that bad.

In closing I must congradulate Notre Dame for their comeback win, and taking a game given to you. Last year the Spartan tried to give it away, and you gave it back.

There is always next week

Michigan State Spartans, what happens when you play only one half of football? You lose. What happens when you sit on the ball? You lose. When coach Smith climbed a mountain, did he get a helecopter ride off the mountain? You have to play the whole game. Saturdays lose to ND was an embarasment to all associated with the Spartans and their program. The rope-a-dope only worked for Ali because boxing is a fixed sport and the outcome is already known. Last year they almost lost to ND when they decided to sit on the ball. This year it worked.

The Simpsons.

Sometime I feel that our family is like the Simpsons cartoon. Me being Homer, Liz being Marge, Don JR. being Bart, Catherine being Lisa, and Lindsey being Maggie. Homer and I have a lot in common. We both have extra weight, we don't know what is going on half the time, and just about everything I try tends to go wrong. Liz, like Marge, is always trying to please the family and improve herself. Donald and Bart like to dream big. Lisa and Catherine are sensitive, but can belt you if you get in their way, and Lindsey and Maggie dance to the beat of their own drum.
Everybody has comedy and irony in their lives and this is represented by Krusty the Clown.

What make the Simpsons so popular, is that every family can relate.

The Detroit Lions. Just saying those words make you chuckle. For those of you who are sports fans, you might start to hear a familiar chant. "Fire Millan". Matt Millan is the general manager of the Detroit Lions. He is the one who does the hiring and firing. He has fired two coaches so far and hired three. The Lions still fail to achieve. After every failure, Matt blames the coaches, the players, the media, and everyone else he can. He is the ultimate plitician.

I have been a Lions fan all my life. Every year I am optomistic that the Lions willa break out with a great season. Every year us fans are saying, "wait til next year."
What is wrong with the Lions? The defense looks very sound, and the offense(on paper) is as good as any other team, yet here we sit at 0-2.

The new coach, Ron Marrinelli, is a hard task master. He emphasizes teaching them to do it right. When the players don't do it right, he blames himself for not teaching properly. He emphasizes team play, and will not critisize players. In other words he and the players are tough while singing Kumbiya and getting the Heck kicked out of them. I realize that the two teams that we played are the tops in the league. We played Seattle tough, but lost. We didn't even show up against the Bears. This week we play the Packers (0-2), and will find a way to loose this one.

Three of the Lions top draft choices are gone, washed out, or deep in the bench, or doghouse. The Lions have never had a stable quarterback. See if you can remember all the QB's. Harrington, Mc MaMahn,Batch,Garcia, Krammer, Mitchell, Reed, Danilson, Landry, Munson, Ferguson,Ware,Sweetan,and many more. Non of these are big names.

The running backs are a little better because of Barry Sanders, Sims, and Steve Owens, but only Sanders stayed long enough. Because of the lack of quality at QB., the reciever list is even shorter.

Look at all the head coaches that have graced the sideline. Remember Wayne Fonts? when you finish laughing, he had the best winning percentage of all past Lion coaches.

Two games into the season I can say with confidence, wait till next year. Every team knows the west coast offence, so the Lions bring in the West Coast offense. Everyone knows Mike Marc offense, so they bring in Mike Marcs. Every offense has figured out the TampaBay Defense, so they bring in the intentor of that defense. The Lions have nothing new to worry the opposition.

On Friday @ 12.30 pm I am having an MRI and MRA. I think they are looking for signs of intelligent life between my ears. If they do find a brain, they will then try to determine why it wants to shut off once in a while. My wife says it shuts off so that I don't have to listen to our kids beg for money. I'm sure there are some people who think my brain never turns on.
My concerns are not only that they don't find anything wrong, then why the headaches and spells of half my body going numb. If they find something, can they correct it.
Whatever the outcome, say a prayer for me and my family. Maybe they will discover how it is possible for a person like me to play the piano so badly.

Well I guess the Pope stepped in it big time. Once again the denominational wars are going strong.

"My relegion is better than yours" How about "My God is stronger then yours". Lets destroy everyone in "our God's" name. The Catholic did it for years, so they should not call the kettle black. Maybe the Pope was using Catholic history as an example of what happens when you kill in the name of God.

Why can't these groups try something different. Try embrasing each other instead of killing each other.

Playing the piano. Those of you that don't play the piano won't understand. When you can just sit down and play the piano, all you troubles just disappear. You don't have to be the greatest piano player, you just sit down and play. When people bug you, you can sit down and play and forget about everything.

20 U.S. Cities With the Highest Unemployment Rates
Average: 9.7

20. Muskegon-Norton Shores, Mich.: 7.8
16. Battle Creek, Mich.: 7.9
16. Niles-Benton Harbor, Mich.: 7.9
14. Jackson, Mich.: 8
13. Detroit-Warren-Livonia, Mich.: 8.1
10. Monroe, Mich.: 8.5
8. Saginaw-Saginaw Township North, Mich.: 8.7
4. Flint, Mich.: 10

This is why any office holder in Michigan should be voted out. They are failing in their Jobs. The Governor has failed, fire her. The state senate has failed, fire them, The mayors and all elected officials have failed, fire them. The Democrats blame the Republicans, fire the Democrats. The Republicans who blame the democrats should be fired. Come on people, this is simple. If you wern't doing the job you were hired for, you would be fired. No matter who you blamed it on, you would be fired. Don't let the political parties talk you out of it. If you vote along party line, you deserve all these bad things. Both political parties are sticking it to you and blaming the other guy. Both the Republican parties and the Deomocratic parties are in bed with big business.
The blame game is over. The enablilities of the parties to work togather should be reason enough to fire them all. The political parties are an embarrasment to any person with a brain.

Gas prices are dropping. People have stopped complaining because they have dropped almost $.75 per gallon. People, lets not forget, that gas prices have to get around $1.50 per gallon for us to be happy. My figures show that they are only half way there. Vegetable oil is on $.65 per gallon and with minor alteration a car can run on it.

The automotive industry knows that fossel fuel run vehicles are no longer practical, but they keep manufacturing gas gusselers and loose money. They in turn cut jobs which makes people unable to purchase their products.

America has the knowlege, they have the product(cars that run on vegetable oil), and a renewable fuel source. What is the problem. The problem is the Democrats and the Republicans. The United States is a monarchy with the King and Queen are the Democrats and Republicans.

This week just keeps getting better. My son had a bad vibration in his car. I went out for a ride with him and determined that his rear tire had gone really bad. We took the car to Discount Tire. They were closing, but agreed to service us. Of course, I had to pay for the tire.
This morning on his way back from Holland and his job, Don Jr. rear ended another car and pretty much totaled his car. This happened in Grand Haven. I had to pay to have it towed. He did not get a ticket because he was avoiding construction equipment that had wondered into his lane. He now has no car, no money, a job in Holland with no way to get there. I am glad he wasn't hurt.

Hillary Clinton For President. After you quit laughing, this could come true. Big business will support anyone who will support them

Blame Bush. Blame the republicans. Blame the Democrats Blame the senate. Blame the congress. Blame the oil companies. Blame the Governor, blame the past office holders, blame the christians, and blame the Jews. Blame Mel Gibson and blame Ted Kennedy. Blame the weather and blame the moral majority. Blame affirmative action and blame racism. blame the schools, and blame MTV. You can blame everyone for everything and still not get anything done.
The only one to blame is yourself. When you go to the polls and vote along party lines, you are to blame. When you listen to political retoric and campaign advertising, you are to blame. Wise up people and get educated. Political parties are backed by big business and they want your money for their supporters. If you don't believe me, then why are the two biggest business in the United States are the Democratic and Republican Parties? Why don't they want a line item veto? Why are most of your politicians very wealthy?