Michigan is screwed. I guess there is no other way to put it. We have legislators that couldn't find their hand in front of their face. We have a governor who has thrown a temper tantrum on TV to get her way. How could the people of Michigan elect such an inept group of people. My kids when they were young, showed more promise in working with others, then does this bunch of clowns in Lansing. If any of you clowns are listening, here is a way to save the state. This is my top 10

10- Take the ex lax out of your food supply. You take too many breaks.
9- You can't leave your seats. Every time you do, you have to take a breaks.
8- Governor, wear a dress, the guys might go your way if they see your legs
7- If you don't have a budget by Sunday, you are all fired.
6- Take reporters and cameras away. Too much mugging, not enough working.
5- Each legislator and the Governor must wear a zap collar. Any partisan remarks receives a zap. You leave your desk, you get zapped.
4- Give them treats. Children do better when they get treats.
3- Give them a game of tic tac toe. Once they have accomplished this, then they can move on to the budget. This might take a while, but it might be worth it.
2- Give them all ex lax and tell them they can't leave until they pass a budget. Since they are already full of it, this shouldn't take long.
1- Line each legislature and the Governor in a line. Ask them why they can't pass a budget. When the person lies, or says something that is purely partisan politic, they must remove their clothing and dance the jig, while wearing the zap collar and just having taken ex lax.

If you think this is funny, there is much more humor in Lansing. With a state that is in the worst shape in the nation, they want to raise taxes, and cut back on education. Lets hammer the people who don't have jobs, health insurance,education, and respect. Our Canadian born governor has the idea that she can drive everyone out of the state, and then maybe Canada can take over. The Governor and the legislators have made Michigan the "Mistake on the Lake." Our Governor is the worst since Blanchard, and our legislators are just the worst ever.

Obviously we are now in the situation that requires a tax increase. Obviously there is alot of fat in the budget that needs to be trimmed. Years of failed government have created a situation that we are in. Big business that for soo long have enjoyed the biggest breaks, are now not passing them on. They have taken tax breaks, shut down their plant, and moved away. The automotive companies have fallen so far out of touch that they will soon be a non factor in Michigan's economy. The Big three will be the last three.

Grand Rapids has taken the bull by the horns. The creation of the "Medical Mile" is a step in the right direction. There is a dim light in Michigan, and it is not in Lansing. That light has gone out. Time for new bulbs.

Idiot Sightings!!!! Be careful, Be V-e-r-y Careful....IDIOT SIGHTING: Hubby and I had to have the garage door repaired. The Sears repairman told us that one of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one Sears made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said, 'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than 1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not. Four is larger than two.' We haven't used Sears repair since.____________________________________________IDIOT SIGHTING: I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road. The reason: 'Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! I don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'From Kingman , KS______________________________________________________IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE: My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco. She asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' ;He said he was sorry, but they only had iceberg. He was a Chef? Yep...From Kansas City !_____________________________________________________IDIOT SIGHTING : I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?' To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?' He smiled knowingly and nodded, 'That's why we ask.' Happened in Birmingham, Ala____________________________________________________IDIOT SIGHTING: The stoplight on the corner buzzes when its safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged cowo rker of mine. She asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on earth are blind people doing driving?!'She was a probation officer in Wichita , KS_____________________________________________________IDIOT SIGHTING: At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker: She was leaving the company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is fun. We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all just looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.This was a bunch at Texas Instruments._____________________________________________________IDIOT SIGHTING : I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself, and for the sake of her own life, couldn't understand why her system would not turn on. A deputy with the Dallas County Sheriffs office no less._____________________________________________________IDIOT SIGHTING : When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced to the technician, 'It's open!' His reply, 'I know - I already got that side.'This was at the Ford Dealership in Canton Mississippi!____________________________________________________STAY ALERT!They walk among us, they REPRODUCE and they VOTE!!These are from a book called 'Disorder in the American Courts', and arethings people actually said In court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporterswho had the torment of Staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.=====================================================ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you thatmorning?WITNESS: He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about ituntil the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one.____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh... I was gett'in laid!____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: What? Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can Iget a new attorney?____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Guess.____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a depositionnotice which I sent to yourAttorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on deadpeople?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you liketo rephrase that?____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you goto?WITNESS: Oral.____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing anautopsy on him!____________________________________________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?____________________________________________________________________And the best for last:ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for apulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive,nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive andpracticing law._________________________________________________________________

Why do politicians make it so hard. In this day and age when everyone is looking to save money, the government, local and national, can't decide what to do. Half the people want to raise taxes, and the other half want to decrease spending. We wouldn't even have this discussion if it weren't for pork. No, I'm not talking about Hillary's thighs or Bush's hips. I talking about add ons. These are the trillions of dollars that are added on to every spending bill. Keep this thought in mind. If we gave the president a line item veto, we could run the government just on the savings and be in the black in less than a year. Medical insurance would be funded for everyone, and school would not go without. The money saved would go in your pocket to spend locally and that would boost local and state coffers. If this was your household budget, you would cut out luxury spending, and start paying for things that are needed. You wouldn't be throwing money out the window. That is what the government is doing. Who opposes this? Insurance companies, large companies who can't balance their own books. Worthless projects that can't get approved on their own merits. When wealthy politicians and big business point fingers at the people on welfare and social security, and bellow about where this money is being spent, take a look at the income of big business and their pork. Washington needs to wake up. Do you want to save Social Security. You can but you won't. Money got you elected, money keeps you in power, and lack of money will be you demise. You need pork. You are addicted to pork. You give millions to companies that in turn ship their jobs to China or India. Your addiction to pork is worse then a drug habit. The only way to feed your habit, is more pork. We can continue to feed your habit, or give you the cure. The cure is a line item veto, or a process that does not allow add-ons. Why hasn't this happened? You are asking the addict to make the decision.

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money decided to
hire herself out as a "Handywoman" and started canvassing the
neighborhoods.

She went to the front door of the first house and asked
the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do. "Well, I guess I could
use somebody to paint my porch," he said. "How much will you
charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?"

The man agreed and told her that the paint and everything
she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her
husband, "Does she realize that our porch goes all the way around the
house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"

The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to
believe all those dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail
lately."

A short time later, the blonde handywoman came to the
door to collect her money. "You finished already?" the husband
asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint leftover, so I gave it
two coats - no extra charge!."

Impressed, the man reached into h is pocket for the $50
and handed it to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added ... "it's not a Porch -- it's a Lexus."

OJ

No, not orange juice. I awoke this morning to OJ. OJ Simpson, Homers brother. The former football player, actor, accused murderer, author, father, and now accused thief. We have a war going on in Iraq, homes being foreclosed, lack of jobs, debates over who is a christian and who is not, and we headline the news with OJ. OJ had his five minutes of fame, as a matter of fact he has had more then his five minutes. If he stole something, and is convicted, he is nothing but a petty thief. We don't need to re-do his biography, psycology, or what other ology that makes him tick. Just send him to a Hollywood rehab and everything will be better.

How about Britney Spears? Who cares.
How about Lindsey Lohan? Who cares.
How about Hollywood? Who cares.
How about the Saprano's? Who cares.

We are stuck in another Vietnam and no one cares. People are losing jobs and homes and no one cares. The rich are getting richer and the poor are getting poorer and no one cares. The constitution of the United States has been twisted out of shape and no one cares.

What do I care about?

Sports. The tigers and lions are winning. Michigan football teams stinks, and MSU is undefeated.

Family. As long as they let me watch sports.

Music. Theme to Monday Night Football

God. There must be a God. The Lions, Tigers, and MSU are winning.

Lets get serious folk, sports or Hollywood slime. Flip a coin. You lose.

Three Things to Ponder:

1. Cows

2. The Constitution

3. The Ten Commandments

Cows
*Is it just me, or does anyone else find it amazing that our government can
track a single cow born in Canada almost three years ago, right to the stall
where she sleeps in the state of Washington? And, they tracked her calves to
their stalls. But they are unable to locate 11 million illegal aliens
wandering around our country. Maybe we should give each of them a cow.
*
The Constitution
*They keep talking about drafting a Constitution for Iraq Why don't we just
give them ours? It was written by a lot of really smart guys, it has worked
for over 200 years, and we're not using it anymore.
**
*The Ten Commandments
*The real reason that we can't have the Ten Commandments posted in a
courthouse is this: You cannot post "Thou Shalt Not Steal," "Thou Shalt Not
Commit Adultery", and "Thou Shalt Not Lie" in a building full of lawyers,
judges and politicians. It creates a hostile work environment.*

A woman sent this to me:




When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,
you
check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.

Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
leaving the stall.

You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't matter, the wait
has
been so long you are about to wet your pants! The dispenser for the
modern
"seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is handy, but
empty. You
would hang your purse on the door hook, if there was one, but there
isn't -
so you carefully, but quickly drape it around your neck, (Mom would turn
over in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!), yank down your pants,
and
assume "The Stance."

In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd
love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the seat
or
lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."

To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you can
hear
your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean the seat,
you
would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!"

Your thighs shake more.

You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday -
the
one that's still in your purse. (Oh yeah, the purse around your neck,
that
now, you have to hold up trying not to strangle yourself at the same
time).
That would have to do. You crumple it in the puffiest way possible. It's
still smaller than your thumbnail

Someone pushes your door open because the latch doesn't work. The door
hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of your
chest,
and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of the toilet.
"Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping your
precious,
tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your footing
altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is wet of
course. You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare
bottom has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that
there was
any, even if you had taken time to try. You know that your mother would
be
utterly appalled if she knew, because, you're certain her bare bottom
never
touched a public toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't
KNOW
what kind of diseases you could get."

By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose
against the inside of the bowl that sprays a fine mist of water that
covers
your butt and runs down your legs and into your shoes. The flush somehow
sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto the empty
toilet
paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too.

At this point, you give up. You're soaked by the spewing water and
the wet
toilet seat. You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you
found
in your pocket and then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks.

You can't figure out how to operate the faucets with the automatic
sensors, so you wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk
past the line of women still waiting.

You are no longer able to smile politely to them. A kind soul at the
very
end of the line points out a piece of toilet paper trailing from your
shoe.
(Where was that when you NEEDED it??) You yank the paper from your shoe,
plunk it in the woman's hand and tell her warmly, "Here, you just might
need
this."

As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used,
and
left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and
why
is your purse hanging around your neck?"

This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restrooms
(rest??? you've GOT to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men
what
really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly asked
questions about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so the
other gal
can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex under the
door!

This HAD to be written by a woman! No one else could describe it so
accurately!



A Friend Is Like A Good Bra...
Hard to Find
Supportive
Comfortable
Always Lifts You Up
Never Lets You Down or Leaves You Hanging
And Is Always Close To Your Heart!!!

Subject: Texas Air Traffic Control>>>>>>>> Texas Air Traffic Control>> Gotta love how they do it in TEXAS!>>>> You gotta love this one!>>>> TEXAS AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL>>>> Dallas ATC: "Tower to Saudi Air 911 -- You are cleared to>> land eastbound on runway 9R.">>>> Saudi Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC. Acknowledge cleared to>> land on infidel's runway 9R -- Allah be Praised!">>>> Dallas ATC: "Tower to Iran Air 711 -- You are cleared to>> land westbound on runway 9R.">>>> Iran Air: "Thank you Dallas ATC.>> We are cleared to land> on infidel's runway 9R. -- Allah is Great!">> Pause: Static ... ..>>>> Saudi Air: " DALLAS ATC! DALLAS ATC!">>>> Dallas ATC: "Go ahead Saudi Air 911?">>>> Saudi Air: "YOU HAVE CLEARED BOTH OUR AIRCRAFT>> FOR THE SAME RUNWAY GOING IN OPPOSITE>> DIRECTIONS ! WE ARE ON A COLLISION COURSE !>> INSTRUCTIONS PLEASE!>>>> Dallas ATC: "Well bless your hearts. Y'all be careful now.>> And tell Allah 'hey' for us -- ya hear?"

Why men are never depressed

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a
water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think
of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. !

Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.

Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, Maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.

You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.

The following recently took place at an international medical conference: A Japanese doctor says, "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in six weeks." A German doctor says, "That is nothing. We can take a lung out of one person, put it in another, and have him out looking for work in four weeks." A British doctor says, "In my country medicine is so advanced that we can take half of a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have both of them out looking for work in two weeks." The Canadian doctor, not to be outdone, interjected, "You guys are way behind. We took a woman with no brains, sent her to Michigan where she became Governor, and now half the state is out looking for work."

Gay Christianity

The Muskegon Chronicle has been printing letters to the editor revealing both sides of a contraversy. The question has come down to," Are gays and those who condone homosexuality, going to heaven?" Some Christians, and pastors have used the Bible to condemn Homosexuality. The gay community has labled everyone who doesn't follow their ideas as "homophobes". I say, " shame on both of you."

When Jesus was asked by lawyers, "What is the greatest law?", his reponded
"Love the Lord your God and your neihbor as yourself. On these two comandment hang the whole law and the prophets." I believe he also said something about,"Judge not least ye be judged." Fellow Christians, lets practice christian love and leave the judging to God.

To the gay comunity and those who condone homosexuality. If you don't like that churches views, go to a different church.

To both sides, don't tear someone down just to build yourself up. God will judge you individually, and not by anything else, or different interpretation of the Bible. It is that simple.

another day
Liz had her hearing for unemployment. Wesco filibustered for the full hour with a lot of I don't knows, and unsubstantiated gossip. When the hour was up, they had to continue the hearing next month before Liz, her advocate, or anyone else could say anything. By the time the hearing is reconvened it will have been over 3 months since she was fired. I was probably more angry then Liz was and had to take two xanax to calm down.

Liz had her surgery yesterday. They were going in to possibly drain a golf ball size cyst from her ovary. When they got in, they found out it was two golf ball size polyps in her uterus and some scare tissue. They removed the polyps and we will find out next week if they were cancerous or not. Liz is at home and resting.

Looking back on yesterday some people might be still angry, and yes, I am one of those people. I am also thankful that Liz is ok, and that we are still winning her unemployment battle even though it is being dragged out. I am thankful for my friends and family and for all the great things the Lord has given me.


-------------------------------------------------------------------------------